NarniNOT

Walt Disney Co CEO Robert Iger said Wednesday that "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" is underperforming at the box office because of competition from "Iron Man" and "Indiana Jones." Since its May 16 release, the "Narnia" sequel has earned $99.6 million in North America, according to Box Office Mojo. Its 2005 predecessor, "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," had earned $122.7 million in the same period. It went on to make date $291.7 million. Disney originally had "Caspian" set for last Christmas, but delayed it in deference to "The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep," a fantasy vying for the same audience.

WP: Gee, I wish I had what it takes to be a CEO and/or someone who makes the decision on when to release movies. Let's see...

(1) Put "Narnia" up against the powerhouse that was "The Water Horse" or take my chances with "Iron Man" and "Indy 4?" Hmmm...

(2) Last time the movie did very successfully at Christmastime...so let's change that to Mother's Day instead.

(3) The movie has a religious following...so also better to avoid Christmas time all together. Who wants to see movies with religious themes around Christmas?

(4) Since Narnia is aimed at kids, release it BEFORE they're out of school for the summer.

There! Do I get promoted to CEO now?

Pretty, please? With millions of dollars on top?

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon flew into Myanmar's disaster zone Thursday as he pressed the country's leaders to open the doors to critical international aid for some 2.5 million cyclone survivors. In a meeting with Prime Minister Thein Sein, Ban stressed that foreign aid experts needed to be rushed in because the crisis had exceeded Myanmar's national capacity, according to a U.N. official at the talks.

WP: Please, oh please, won't you take our millions of dollars in aid while our own country struggles with the rising cost of gas, airline prices, food prices, a recession, a falling stock market, rising unemployment, Katrina victims who still don't have a place to live, etc.? C'mon? Please?

How Charming

Former MTV reality star Sharon Osbourne has signed on to star in the second season of sister network VH1's "Rock of Love Girls: Charm School," premiering in the fall.

WP: Because....she did so well with her own kids?

Pro-nun-see-a-shun

Earlier this week, the president denied the nation was in a recession, instead saying, "We are in a slowdown."

WP: He probably can't pronounce "recession."

Guilty or not guilty? Who the fuck cares?

Wesley Snipes is in central Florida to learn his punishment for three misdemeanor tax convictions. A jury found the 45-year-old action star guilty of willfully failing to file taxes for three years, in which the government said he owed $2.7 million. Snipes was acquitted in February of three identical counts and two felony charges of tax fraud and conspiracy. Still, prosecutors are pressing the judge for the maximum sentence of three years in prison. They say Snipes is a "notorious" offender who dogged the IRS for years. Snipes' attorneys say he deserves only probation for the misdemeanors. On Wednesday, they submitted three dozen letters from friends attesting to his character. Those coming to Snipes' aid included Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson.



WP: I don't care if he knew about it or didn't know about it. But here's a thought: why doesn't he cough up the fucking money like the rest of us taxpayers?! Douchebag.

Klugman Awakes From Coma

Former "Quincy, M.E." star Jack Klugman sued NBC Universal Friday, claiming the studio is lying about the show's profits and owes him money. Klugman, 85, played the crime-busting Dr. R. Quincy on the show from 1976 to 1983.

WP: Was Jack in a coma for 25 years? This is 2008, right? Does he have a gambling debt to suddenly pay off?

There She Is...

Heather Mills soon will be back in front of the cameras. The former Mrs. Paul McCartney, who recently wrapped up a very public divorce from the ex-Beatle, is among the celebrity judges just announced for the upcoming Miss USA Pageant.

WP: Because who knows beauty more than a one-legged, gold-digging prostitute?

Babymomma

LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Jamie Lynn Spears and her boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, could be one step closer to tying the knot, Access Hollywood has learned. A source close to the Spears family told Access, getting married "has been [Jamie Lynn's] goal."

WP: Right after getting knocked up at 16.

Trapped!

A federal appeals court has rejected a law requiring airlines to provide food, water, clean toilets and fresh air to passengers trapped in a plane delayed on the ground. The 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Tuesday that New York's new state law interferes with federal law governing the price, route or service of an air carrier.

WP: I say we trap the court on an airplane on the runway for a few hours and then see what happens.

The Iraq War vs. The U.S. Economy

More than 7 out of 10 Americans think government spending on the war in Iraq is partly responsible for the economic troubles in the United States, according to results of a recent poll.

WP: Who are the other 3? Oil barons and presidents?

A White House spokesman said the war had cost the U.S. $406.2 billion through December 2007. The spokesman said the economists "throw everything in the kitchen sink" into the study, including costs like interest on the national debt, and called the projection "exaggerated."

WP: Oh, sorry. It's only $400 billion.

And President Bush, speaking on NBC's "Today" last month, disputed the notion that the war was negatively affecting the economy. "I think actually the spending in the war might help with jobs ... because we're buying equipment and people are working," he said. "I think this economy is down because we built too many houses and the economy's adjusting."

WP: That's right...it's too many houses. Houses. Not the exorbitant cost of gas, inflation surpassing salary increases, unemployment on the rise, lay-offs, dramatic increase in stock prices, billions of dollars spent on the war in Iraq, etc. It's TOO MANY HOUSES. Perhaps Bush's next plan of action should be to suggest everyone "double up."