Hilary Duff's Mom Is A Cunt

A judge in Texas has ordered the father of actress and singer Hilary Duff to spend 10 days in jail for contempt of court. Bob Duff was led away in handcuffs Wednesday during a court hearing after Judge Thomas Stansbury in Houston determined he violated an injunction against selling assets without court approval. The Houston Chronicle reported in its online edition that Bob Duff must pay into a court repository $367,537 he earned from selling stocks last month. Stansbury determined Bob Duff should pay Susan $12,500 for Hilary's birthday party, which was the subject of the hearing. Her mother wanted $25,000 to pay for a present and party.

ISF: Are you fucking kidding me? She took him to court over money for a fucking birthday present and party (that he probably didn't have any say in) and --what's more unbelievable-- won!? Is all of Texas this fucked up? First the Bush family, now the Duffs? Aren't there cheaper birthday options? And isn't this the same mother who caused her daughter to get booted off the popular (at the time) Lizzie McGuire show on the Disney Channel because SHE made outrageous money demands? What a CUNT. I'd take her to court for that.

Girl Gots a Lot o' Weave

Was she going for the whole "I'm being attacked by a Tribble" look?

In Support of Valerie Bertinelli

Don't worry, Valerie. I'd cheat, too, if I came home and found that in my bed.

Robert Downey Jr. on Writing

"My whole thing is that that I saw 'The Dark Knight'. I feel like I'm dumb because I feel like I don't get how many things that are so smart. It's like a Ferrari engine of storytelling and script writing and I'm like, 'That's not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.' I loved 'The Prestige' but didn't understand 'The Dark Knight'. Didn't get it, still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character and in the end they need him to be a bad guy. I'm like, 'I get it. This is so high brow and so fucking smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie.' You know what? Fuck DC comics. That's all I have to say and that's where I'm really coming from." - Robert Downey, Jr.

WP: Uh...that's called good scriptwriting, Robert. Perhaps you'd better stick with films such as "Batman & Robin" where not only the girls have nipples poking out of their costumes, but so do the guys.

Date night!

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel enjoyed a film over the weekend. The pair came out to support Hole in the Paper Sky at the Palm Springs International Shortfest Film Festival. Biel produced the film and also has a role in it. After the screening and party, Timberlake and Biel headed over to Le Parker Méridien hotel to meet some friends. Afterward, Timberlake and Biel made their way to a house in Palm Desert, where they held a private celebration, says a source.

WP: Wow. That's great. What a great fucking article about their date. I was SO wondering what they were doing over the weekend. "Dear Diary...I stayed home Saturday night and watched Johnny Depp slice people's necks in Sweeney Todd, but Justin and Jessica went to see a movie! Oh, how I wish he would ask ME to the dance!"

Kyrgyzstan. Gesundheit.

A passenger jet carrying 90 people, including a Kyrgyz high school sports team, crashed shortly after takeoff Sunday near the Kyrgyz capital, killing 65, government officials said. The Boeing 737 was headed to Iran when it crashed near Bishkek's Manas International Airport, said government spokeswoman Roza Daudova. Twenty-two people, including two crew members, survived the accident. Earlier, Daudova had said there were at least 68 dead and 25 survivors, but she later gave lower figures.

WP: "Tventy, tirty, forty, who knows? I'm bad with math." she said. "Sounds like work of Moose and Squirrel," she later commented.

An airport official said the crew reported a technical problem about 10 minutes into the flight and that the plane was returning to the airport when it crashed. The official said she was not authorized to give her name.

WP: How official can you be if you can't give your name?

Among the survivors, were seven out the 17 members of the basketball team from a school in the capital, Bishkek, said Health Ministry spokeswoman Yelena Bayalinova. Residential adviser Tokon Mamytov, however, later said that the athletes were volleyball, not basketball players.

WP: "Hey, all I know is they toss around a ball of some sort."

It's all about the Benjamins...and McCains and Obamas...

In a forum last week with the Rev. Rick Warren, McCain was asked to define the word "rich" and to give a figure. After promoting his tax policies, McCain said: "I think if you are just talking about income, how about $5 million?" The audience laughed, and he added: "But seriously, I don't think you can — I don't think seriously that — the point is that I'm trying to make here, seriously — and I'm sure that comment will be distorted — but the point is that we want to keep people's taxes low and increase revenues."

WP: Seriously?

Obama, asked the same question at the forum, said those making $250,000 and higher are in the top 3 to 4 percent and "doing well." Obama and his wife, Michelle, reported making $4.2 million in 2007.

WP: So...making over $4 million is what? And making under $50K is "sucking it?"

5...6...7...SEVEN HOUSES! AH AH AH AH AH!

Days after he cracked that being rich in the U.S. meant earning at least $5 million a year, Republican presidential candidate John McCain acknowledged that he wasn't sure how many houses he and his wealthy wife actually own. "I think — I'll have my staff get to you," McCain responded to a question posed by Politico, according to a story Thursday on the publication's Web site. "It's condominiums where — I'll have them get to you." Later, the McCain campaign told Politico that McCain and his wife, Cindy, have at least four in three states, Arizona, California and Virginia. Newsweek recently estimated the two owned at least seven properties.

WP: You just lose track after the first four or five, don't you?

"Normal"

Britney Spears says she would rather her sons did not pursue a career in entertainment. "But I'd love them unconditionally if they wanted to. I'd just as soon they have a more normal childhood," she said.

WP: Normal? Yeah...good luck with that. That's wiggity wiggity whack.

Startling News from the Department of Commerce

The Commerce Department said purchases at U.S. retailers declined 0.1% last month. Economists surveyed by MarketWatch expected sales to slip 0.3%. Excluding automobiles, sales rose 0.4% last month, the smallest gain since February. The median forecast was for a 0.5% increase. See Economic Report. The report was "disheartening" in that is showed just how short-lived the tax rebates were, said Stone & McCarthy Research Associates.

WP: Really? You mean that $600 didn't make everyone wealthy? Shocking.

Mark Spits on China

HONG KONG (AFP) - US swim legend Mark Spitz won't be on hand in Beijing if Michael Phelps breaks his record of seven gold medals at a single Olympics—because, he says, no one bothered to invite him. Spitz said the International Olympic Committee, a US television network or FINA—the international body that governs world swimming—should have brought him to the Games this year, with Phelps making a go at his record.

"I never got invited. You don't go to the Olympics just to say, I am going to go. Especially because of who I am," Spitz told AFP in Hong Kong. "I am going to sit there and watch Michael Phelps break my record anonymously? That's almost demeaning to me. It is not almost—it is."

"He's almost identical to me. He's a world-record holder in all these events, so he is dominating the events just like I did," Spitz said. "He reminds me of myself."

WP: Really? Is Michael Phelps a pompous asshole, too? And what happens if he doesn't break the record, Mark? You just get a free trip to China? Fuck you and your seven gold medals.