Fancy Gap.

Clay Aiken Comes Out!

Clay Aiken appears on the cover of the latest People magazine holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, with the headline: "Yes, I'm Gay."

ISF: Wow. That's the biggest news since...George Michael came out. Or Liberace.

To quote Will (from Will & Grace): "Blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay." And Grace: "My dog knew."

Made In China

China's tainted milk crisis widened Friday after tests found the industrial chemical melamine in liquid milk produced by three of the country's leading dairy companies, the quality watchdog said. Singapore suspended the sale and import of all Chinese milk and dairy products because several tested items were contaminated.

ISF: Okay, we all realize that everything plastic comes from China. But do they have to make pet food and milk from plastic, too?

Thanks for watching!

Sarah Palin told Fox News Channel's Sean Hannity that she watched the "SNL" skit that opened the late-night show's new season last Saturday. "I watched it with the volume all the way down," Palin said. "I thought it was hilarious." Palin said she "didn't hear a word she said but the visual (was) spot on."

ISF: Thanks for "watching," Sarah. I guess you didn't want to disturb your Russian neighbors with the volume?

For those of you who want to watch -- and listen! -- to the skit, click here.

You say DOWN, I say UP yours.

Consumer prices in August posted the first monthly decline in nearly two years as Americans finally get a break from surging energy prices. The Labor Department reported Tuesday that consumer prices edged down 0.1 percent last month, a significant improvement from a 1.1 percent price spike in June and a 0.8 percent rise in July. The cost of gasoline and other fuels have plunged, reflecting big drops in crude oil prices.

I SUFFER FOOLS: Really? Then someone please explain to me why I'm paying 30 CENTS MORE per gallon of gas than I was a week ago.

Something Stinks Here

7/23/08: Wachovia Corp. lost a staggering $8.9 billion in the second quarter, leading the nation's fourth-largest bank to cut its dividend and slash more than 6,000 jobs in response to mortgage-related losses. The bank's results were much worse than Wall Street anticipated, a stark contrast to its big bank rivals that handily beat the low targets analysts had set. Wachovia said it lost $8.86 billion and is slashing its dividend after losses tied to mortgages soared. The bank also said it would lay off 6,350 current employees, and leave unfilled another 4,400 open positions. The bank has already cut 2,000 retail mortgage jobs, it said.

9/9/08: Just for taking the job, Wachovia Corp.'s new chief financial officer gets an upfront bonus of $4 million, 1 million stock options and 800,000 shares of restricted stock, the Charlotte bank said in a filing this morning. Under his employment agreement, the new CFO each year gets a salary of $500,000, a target bonus of $3.75 million and a target stock grant of $3.75 million. For 2008, he will receive a guaranteed minimum bonus of $937,500, payable in February 2009. The agreement also allows for severance payments if he is terminated for “good reason” or “without cause.” The company also will cover taxes owed if he loses his job in the case of a merger or acquisition.

MTV for me

A year after vowing never to perform on the MTV Video Music Awards again, hip-hop star Kanye West will close the show's 25th annual ceremony in Hollywood on Sunday. The outspoken rapper was upset by his treatment at last year's show, when his performance was relegated to a small stage in the Las Vegas venue. West also failed to win any prizes, and accused the music cable network of exploiting Britney Spears, who inadvertently stole the show by badly lip-synching and dancing to her new tune.

i.e., The arrogant fucker sucks, didn't win anything, and was upstaged by Britney Spears so he whined that he was "mistreated." What'd MTV do? Promise him he could take home a little spaceman this year? He should change his name to Kayne Whines.

Hilary Duff's Mom Is A Cunt

A judge in Texas has ordered the father of actress and singer Hilary Duff to spend 10 days in jail for contempt of court. Bob Duff was led away in handcuffs Wednesday during a court hearing after Judge Thomas Stansbury in Houston determined he violated an injunction against selling assets without court approval. The Houston Chronicle reported in its online edition that Bob Duff must pay into a court repository $367,537 he earned from selling stocks last month. Stansbury determined Bob Duff should pay Susan $12,500 for Hilary's birthday party, which was the subject of the hearing. Her mother wanted $25,000 to pay for a present and party.

ISF: Are you fucking kidding me? She took him to court over money for a fucking birthday present and party (that he probably didn't have any say in) and --what's more unbelievable-- won!? Is all of Texas this fucked up? First the Bush family, now the Duffs? Aren't there cheaper birthday options? And isn't this the same mother who caused her daughter to get booted off the popular (at the time) Lizzie McGuire show on the Disney Channel because SHE made outrageous money demands? What a CUNT. I'd take her to court for that.

Girl Gots a Lot o' Weave

Was she going for the whole "I'm being attacked by a Tribble" look?

In Support of Valerie Bertinelli

Don't worry, Valerie. I'd cheat, too, if I came home and found that in my bed.