Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's your bailout!

Publicist Howard Bragman confirmed that TV icon Ed McMahon and his wife have no plans to move from their home, which has been facing foreclosure for nine months. Bragman said he doesn't have details about the deal that's allowing the 85-year-old McMahon to stay, but added: "They ain't leaving." Public records show there was a series of transfers of the loans last month on McMahon's house. A Southern California company, Foreclosure Trackers Inc., has taken credit for brokering the deal and say they plan to negotiate a better deal for McMahon. For months, several people, including Lee and Donald Trump, have pledged to help McMahon and save his house.

WP: Whew. Thank God. First the automakers, now Ed McMahon. I hope the gov't has a plan in place to help out the oil companies next, now that gas has gotten "cheap."

In a time of bleak financial news, Bragman expressed hope that the resolution to McMahon's situation served as a good omen. We hope every other American in trouble has the same experience," he said.

WP: Yes, Bragman (ironic name, eh?), I'm sure every other American will have the same experience with Donald Trump and mortgage companies. Thank you for your genuine concern. Now kindly take your legal fees and get the fuck outta my face.

Automobile Industry Bailout

Democratic aides say Speaker Nancy Pelosi intends to seek legislation to provide relief to the battered auto industry, and wants it done in a post-election session of Congress likely to convene in the next few days. Pelosi is not expected to specify how large a bailout she wants. The aides who described her views Tuesday did so on condition of anonymity, saying they were not authorized to discuss it publicly. The speaker's decision comes a few days after General Motors warned it is rapidly running out of cash, and Ford announced its situation was only slightly better.

ISF: I'm sorry, but I CANNOT feel sorry for the automobile industry. They've been screwing over the American people for years and now they want protection from the government? For what? They haven't made any improvements to their automobiles' mileage. The Ford Model T got 25 miles per gallon in 1908. My 1993 GEO Metro got 40-45. My 2007 Chevrolet Aveo gets 27. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture? They have the capability to produce more efficient cars...yet they don't. If they're looking for a bailout, why not stick their hands out to the Oil Companies who are obviously already paying them to be fuel inefficient?

What, Lassie? Timmy's Down the Well?

Stocks tumbled and credit markets remained tight Thursday after an unexpected rise in unemployment claims and a drop in factory orders underscored the troubles facing the economy even if lawmakers are able to sew together a financial rescue aimed at resuscitating the ailing credit markets.

ISF: Unexpected? Are they living in a fucking cave? Trapped in a well? HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!?! Is anybody home?

Oprah's Mom

Oprah Winfrey's mother says she shouldn't have to pay a nearly $156,000 debt to a high-end fashion store because store officials shouldn't have extended credit to her. Valentina Inc. alleges that Vernita Lee of Milwaukee racked up $155,547 in purchases and interest as of July 1. The company sued, saying Lee fell behind in minimum monthly payments of $2,000. Lee filed a counterclaim Friday contending that Valentina took advantage of her "lack of knowledge, ability, and-or capacity" when creating her credit account. Court papers say Lee resolved a 2002 case with the company over a $175,000 bill. The resolution prohibited Valentina from extending further credit to her.

ISF: Hmmm...what's the word I'm looking for? Ah, yes...CUNT. C. U. N. T. Cunt.

Hey, Vernita! The rest of us have credit card bills, too, but we don't have daughters worth 1.5 billion dollars! What makes you so freakin' special?!? Stupid cunt. Maybe we can include Vernita's debt in the $700 billion bailout that the gov't is trying to pass? The rich are already going to be protected; why not include Oprah and her stupid mother in it, too?