Harry Potter and the Great Accounting Adventure

Harry Potter was the center of seven novels, but he'll star in eight films. The final book in the wildly successful series will be made into two films, the Los Angeles Times reported Wednesday. Producers are expected to announce Thursday that J.K. Rowling's last "Potter" installment, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," will be split into two parts on the big screen. The first film is slated for release in November 2010, with part two following in May 2011. The two final "Potter" films will be shot concurrently, much like the blockbuster trilogy based on J.R.R. Tolkien's epic fantasy novel "The Lord of the Rings." "It was born out of purely creative reasons," producer David Heyman told the Times.

WP: That, and they received news from the accounting department that they could actually make TWICE as much money if they made two movies instead of just one.

All you need is faith, trust, and pixie dust!

Michael Jackson has refinanced Neverland ranch in time to save his famed California spread from a public auction that was scheduled for later this month. Jackson attorney L. Londell McMillan told The Associated Press on Thursday that the pop star has worked out a "confidential" agreement with Fortress Investment Group, LLC. The deal allows him to retain ownership of the famed property in Los Olivos, Calif. An auction date had been set for March 19 because of $24.5 million the singer owed on the 2,500-acre spread northwest of Santa Barbara.

WP: THANK GOD. I'd hate for him not to have a place to molest children.

I guess you have to hold up your hula hoops with something...

Rated PG for Profanity Guru

A new study by The Nielsen Co. found that the PG-rated movies with the least profanity made the most money at the U.S. box office. Sexuality or violence in those films had less to do with success than the language, the Nielsen PreView group said in a study being released Thursday. "The reality is that profanity, within PG, is the big demarcation between box office winner and box office loser," research and marketing director Dan O'Toole said at ShoWest, a conference where studios unveil upcoming movie lineups. "Parents are choosing PG films for their kids that have very, very low levels of profanity. We're talking one-third the level of the average PG film," he said. The research firm cross-referenced box office data on 400 films in wide-release from the fall of 2005 to the fall of 2007 with their ratings for sex, violence and profanity given by Critics Inc.'s Kids-In-Mind.com Web site. Controlling for marketing and production budgets of films, as well as depictions of violence and sex, movies that scored an average 0.8 on a 10-point profanity scale collected an average of $69 million. Those that averaged 2.8 for profanity averaged $38 million. All PG movies averaged 2.3 on the profanity scale.

WP: There's a profanity scale? Finally, I can be a perfect 10. Do they even make PG movies anymore that have profanity? Aren't those all grouped into PG-13 and that would explain why PG movies are lower on the scale? And...if there are PG movies with profanity, maybe they're not doing well at the box office because they just plain suck.

Can you spare a square?

Attorneys for U.S. Sen. Larry Craig are asking the Minnesota Court of Appeals to correct a "manifest injustice" by allowing the Idaho Republican to withdraw his guilty plea stemming from an airport restroom sex sting. An undercover officer said Craig tapped his feet and swiped his hand under a stall divider in a way that signaled he wanted sex.

After news of his arrest and plea became public in August, Craig denied wrongdoing. He insisted his actions were misconstrued and said he wasn't gay. He said he pleaded guilty and paid a fine hoping to resolve the matter quietly. Tuesday's filing repeats many arguments that Craig's attorneys made before, including claims that the lower court abused its discretion and that the guilty plea is invalid because there is no factual basis for a disorderly conduct charge.

STY: Oh, right...the fact that he confessed has nothing to do with it.

Craig's behavior as he looked into a stall was ''consistent with the conduct of an innocent person waiting for one of the occupied stalls to clear,'' the attorneys wrote.

STY: Yes, I often look glaringly into a stall, tap my feet, and wave my hand under the divider while I'm waiting to take a shit. TOTALLY believable.

Get Your Hoe Ready!

I have a theory. Whoever came up with the concept of Daylight Savings Time was:

1) A morning person
2) Unemployed
3) Sadistic

Am I the only person who responds to sunlight stimulation in the morning to get me going? Getting up when it's still pitch black can be natural, can it? And what about kids who have to wait outside for their school bus in the mornings...IN THE DARK? Is anyone concerned about their safety?

Apparently nobody took these factors into concern when making this weird decision. Nobody except for Arizona and Hawaii who proudly denounce DST, making it even more complicated when you're communicating with or visiting one of those two states.

Wouldn't it benefit the workforce more if people were actually awake when going to work in the morning? Wouldn't that help reduce accidents in the morning as well? And perhaps get people to work on time more often? With the sagging economy (thanks, George!), these are things to consider...

Lindsay Lohan-Monroe

Lindsay Lohan described Monroe's suicide as "tragic" and said it, along with the Jan. 22 death of actor Heath Ledger from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs, "are both prime examples of what this industry can do to someone." The actress, who has been in and out of rehab after two arrests last year on drunken driving and cocaine charges, said she didn't know why the industry wreaked such havoc on some stars, adding, "I sure as hell wouldn't let it happen to me."

WP: You suren't haven't, Lindsay. Thanks for staying clear of all that mess. Wow. What a shining example you are. I'm so glad we have role models like you to show us the way.

And for those of you interested...

To McCain or Not To McCain...that is the question!

Former President George H.W. Bush will endorse John McCain, Republican officials said. His son, the current President Bush, has not yet formally endorsed McCain because former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee in still in the race.

WP: Is that because then he'd have to make a decision?

The Lives and Times of THE Randy Quaid

2006: Actor Randy Quaid filed a lawsuit against Focus Features, the producers of “Brokeback Mountain,” alleging he was duped into appearing in the movie at a reduced rate. Quaid had a supporting role in the film, playing the Wyoming rancher who hired Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) to herd sheep. According to the lawsuit, Quaid says he “donated” his time after moviemakers allegedly told him he was making “a low-budget, art-house film with no prospect of making any money.” Brokeback reportedly grossed more than $80 million in the U.S. Quaid sought at least $10 million in damages on claims that include intentional and negligent misrepresentation.

2008: Randy Quaid has been banned for life by Actors' Equity Assn., the labor union representing American stage actors, and fined more than $81,000 for his alleged actions during the Seattle production of the musical "Lone Star Love," which was scheduled to come to Broadway until producers canceled it. All 26 members of the cast brought charges against Quaid maintaining that he "physically and verbally abused his fellow performers and that his oddball behavior forced the show to close." In the country musical based on Shakespeare's "The Merry Wives of Windsor," Quaid played Falstaff, Shakespeare's famed lout of Bacchanalian appetites. In response to the charges, the actor said, "I am guilty of only one thing: giving a performance that elicited a response so deeply felt by the actors and producers with little experience of my creative process that they actually think I am Falstaff." His lawyer, Mark Bock, said: "The Quaids have been told by one of the actors that this has all been driven by the producers who did not want to give Randy his contractual rights to creative approval ... or financial participation. ... The charges are completely false." Sometime after the cancellation of the show, charges were filed by the cast members against Quaid. On January 25, Quaid's wife, Evi, appeared at Equity's offices in Los Angeles and demanded documents for the hearing. There was a physical altercation, which resulted in four Equity staffers getting temporary restraining orders against Evi Quaid, and Evi Quaid obtaining a restraining order against Equity, according to documents filed by the parties in California Superior Court.

WP: Wait...we are talking about the same Randy Quaid, right? The fat, ugly one? Should someone remind him that he's NOT Dennis Quaid?

More on (moron?) Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose of painkillers, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication and other prescription drugs, the New York City medical examiner said. The cause of death was "acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam and doxylamine," spokeswoman Ellen Borakove said in a statement. The drugs are the generic names for the painkiller OxyContin, the anti-anxiety drugs Valium and Xanax, and the sleep aids Restoril and Unisom. Hydrocodone is a widely used prescription painkiller.

In a statement released through Ledger's publicist, Ledger's father: "While no medications were taken in excess, we learned today the combination of doctor-prescribed drugs proved lethal for our boy. Heath's accidental death serves as a caution to the hidden dangers of combining prescription medication, even at low dosage."

WP: Of course. I'm sure he should have been WARNED not to take five or six different prescription drugs ALL AT ONCE. Let's sue the doctors and pharmacists.

C'mon, now. Heath WAS a good actor. However, it's obvious he had a drug problem, so quit bullshitting everyone (including yourselves) by placing the blame elsewhere.