Thursday, December 20, 2007

Bush this Year

What began as a troubling year for Bush, facing a new, energetic Democratic Congress, ended in triumph for the president as frustrated Democrats nursed their losses. Democrats failed in their No. 1 objective to stop the war in Iraq and bowed to Bush and his veto threats on tax policies, energy legislation, children's health insurance and general spending. After months of bitter fights, Bush said the year was ending on a high note.

STY: Yes, it is. For George Bush. And nobody else.

Don't Speak!

One of three top suspects in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway wrote during an Internet chat session that the teenager was dead, Aruba's chief prosecutor said Thursday. Prosecutor Hans Mos refused to identify the person who wrote the message but said its discovery had contributed to the decision to re-arrest Joran van der Sloot and brothers Deepak and Satish Kalpoe last month. The men were subsequently released after they refused to speak to authorities about newly uncovered evidence.

STY: Oh...well, if they refuse to speak then by all means, let them go.


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Greedy

President Bush signed into law Wednesday legislation that will bring more fuel-efficient vehicles into auto showrooms and require wider use of ethanol, calling it "a major step" toward energy independence and easing global warming. The legislation signed by Bush at a ceremony at the Energy Department requires automakers to increase fuel efficiency by 40 percent to an industry average 35 miles per gallon by 2020. It also ramps up production of ethanol use to 36 billion gallons a year by 2022. The bill also calls for improved energy efficiency of appliances such as refrigerators, freezers and dishwashers, and a 70 percent increase in the efficiency of light bulbs. It also calls for energy efficiency improvements in federal buildings and construction of commercial buildings. The new lighting standards alone are projected to lower consumers' annual electricity bills by $13 billion in 2020, remove the need for 60 mid-size power plants and reduce emissions of carbon dioxide, the leading greenhouse gas, by 100 million tons a year, said the advocacy group Alliance to Save Energy. Democrats said the fuel economy requirements will save motorists $700 to $1,000 a year in fuel costs and reduce oil demand by 1.1 million barrels a day when the fuel-stingy vehicles are widely on the road.

Does anyone really believe this will EVER happen? Energy companies and car manufacturers will willingly give up all that profit for the good of the Earth...and its people? And the government (who gets kickbacks from each) will willingly push it through? Doubtful.

David Gest


For all you David Gest fans (are there any?), I found these photos and had to share. They're priceless. Please enjoy. And then go hide in the closet...where you'll probably find David Gest.

Florida vs. Same-Sex Marriage

Florida voters may have a chance next year to approve a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. Voters may decide next year whether Florida will become the 28th state to place a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. Sponsors of the proposed ban claim that they have gathered the required 611,009 signatures necessary for a referendum vote, but Florida's Division of Elections website shows the group is 253 signatures short of its goal, the Associated Press reported Friday. An election official has yet to formally verify the signatures. Florida currently prohibits same-sex marriage, but John Stemberger, an Orlando attorney heading the group opposed to marriage equality, said a constitutional ban would prevent judges from overturning the law.

"We believe kids need a mom and a dad, very simply," Stemberger told the AP. "Moms and dads bring something different to the table. Dads are not optional."

Who's talking about kids? I thought we were talking about marriage? Somebody get Jamie Lynn Spears on the phone -- STAT!


Bridging the Gap

In a year in which most films dealing with conflicting world cultures have failed to excite moviegoers, the makers of "The Kite Runner" hope to win audiences by bridging the divide of race and ethnicity.

...by hiding the young actors from their own country...


Pssst! I think one of them named their teddy bear Mohammed!

Family Values

Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old "Zoey 101" star and sister of Britney, told OK! magazine that she's pregnant and that the father is her boyfriend, Casey Aldridge. What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex? "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she told the magazine.

Of course it is, Jamie Lynn. Of course it is... Thank YOU for showing us the way.

Lynne Spears, already grandmother to Britney's young sons, told the magazine: "I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

Apparently, they started the dates with sex instead of wasting time with dinner and a movie.

But in a recent interview with The Associated Press, Spears said she had no steady boyfriend. "I kind of just keep my options open," she said. "I have a bunch of friends that I always hang out with, a bunch of guy friends."

"So...although I say that the baby is Casey's, I'm really not sure. It's anyone's guess."

Jamie Lynn plans to raise the baby in her home state of Louisiana — "so it can have a normal family life."

So...you can have a 'normal' family life in Louisiana?

On a similar topic, Lynne Spears, Britney's and Jamie Lynn's mother, was writing a book on family values...only, not so much anymore. "The book is delayed indefinitely. It's delayed, not canceled," a spokesperson for Thomas Nelson, which publishes inspirational books and Bibles. Not that they're turning their backs on the Spears family. "We are standing behind Lynne at this time and understand that she needs time with her family–-we support that," says the spokesperson.

That's great. Just what America needs. Lynne Spears telling everyone how to raise children with 'family values.' Maybe that's what's considered 'normal' in Louisiana. Thank God for the Religious Right to show us "Sinners" the way.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

What the French are up to

In politics, as in good comedy, timing is everything, and news that France's President Nicolas Sarkozy is dating Italian model turned singer Carla Bruni has raised a wry smile or three after a week of bad political headlines. "I'm monogamous from time to time, but I prefer polygamy and polyandry (a woman with more than one husband)," Bruni told the Figaro Madame magazine in February. "Love lasts a long time, but burning desire, two or three weeks," said Bruni.

She continued, "Burning pee lasts until the ointment is applied..."

Making the irreconcilable reconcilable

THIS JUST IN: Pamela Anderson has reconciled with her third husband just three days after filing for divorce to end their two-month marriage. In a divorce petition filed on Friday in Los Angeles, Anderson, 40, cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for the breakdown of her marriage to Rick Salomon--best known for being a part of Paris Hilton's sex tape. But on Monday, Anderson wrote in her website diary: "We're working things out."

Pamela continued, "I didn't want to be rash or anything. Some people get married right away like it totally means nothing. I wasn't like that with my first marriage. Or my second. And I'm not going to be like that with my third, fourth, or fifth. Besides, Rick and I haven't gotten OUR sex tape out on the Internet..."

Award Shows, the Writers Strike Continues...

Two of Hollywood's most glamorous events are now caught up in the entertainment industry's ugliest labor dispute in two decades. The Writers Guild of America, West, will not allow its members to write for the Golden Globes on Jan. 13 nor the Academy Awards on Feb. 24.


Wait a minute...are you telling me that someone actually writes that shit? And gets paid for it? Where did I go wrong?

Reply: All Users

We were looking into getting a condo. We saw an ad for one new place that was going up and signed up for more information on their website. A mass email went out to everyone who signed up online (about 100 people) from the condo company. They didn't bcc everyone, so you could see everyone who received the email.

One idiot (a "senior" loan officer) wrote back, copying everyone again, saying, "Just a FYI - You should really think about Bcc emailing all of these email addresses rather than emailing everyone the way you did due to the fact that now everyone’s email address is public to all these people on this email you sent."

So, basically, after chastising the company in front of everyone, he did the same thing. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then sends another email to everyone on the list, saying, "Please understand that a previous email was sent to all of you by me accidentally, I was actually replying just to [the condo company]. Once again my apologies."

Bwahahahaha! What a fucking idiot! He's a senior loan officer for a fucking mortgage company and he just made a fool of himself in front of prospective condo buyers!

Daughtry Rocks!

Seeing Daughtry in concert was spectacular. The man knows how to put on a great show and has the fantastic voice to back it up.

I thought I'd feel out of place at the concert, like we'd be too "old" or something. The weird thing was that we were out of place...but for a different reason. The auditorium was filled with rednecks. Especially Randy the Redneck behind us (I named him). He was a trucker-type about 45-50, there with his fat wife, and teenage pimply son. I got to hear his renditions of the songs, too, which was an added bonus since Randy can't carry a tune worth shit.

It's Friday, I'm in Love


ROME (Reuters) - An Italian court has ruled that a couple could not name their son "Friday" and ordered that he instead be called Gregory after the saint whose feast day he was born on. Friday/Gregory Germano was born in Genoa 15 months ago. The parents registered him as Friday in the city hall and a priest even baptised him as Friday -- unusual in Italy since many priests insist that first names be of Christian origin. "We named him Friday because we like the sound of the name. Even if it would have been a girl, we would have named her Friday," the boy's mother, Mara Germano, told Reuters.

When the boy was about five months old, a city hall clerk brought the odd name to the attention of a tribunal, which informed the couple of an administrative norm which bars parents from giving "ridiculous or shameful" first names to children. The tribunal said it was protecting the child from being the butt of jokes and added that it believed the name would hinder him from developing "serene interpersonal relationships." The Germano family appealed but lost their case this month and the story was carried on the front page of a national newspaper on Tuesday (not Friday).

When ordered to change the name, the parents refused and the court ruled the boy would be legally registered as Gregory because he was born on that saint's feast day. "I am livid about this," the boy's mother said. "A court should not waste its time with things like this when there is so much more to worry about. My son was born Friday, baptised Friday, will call himself Friday, we will call him Friday but when he gets older he will have to sign his name Gregory," she said.

You go, girl! If you want to name your child something stupid because you can't think of anything other than to name the baby after the day on which he was born, then you go right ahead. That's your prerogative. By the way, I hear K-Fed is looking to spread his seed some more. Interested?

Madonna Gets Inducted Into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

After the announcement was made for this year's inductees, all I heard were people on the radio (and out and about) bitching that Madonna had been inducted. It pissed me off. Look at her contributions to music over the past 20+ years...and it hasn't stopped yet.
I think the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is more of a "music" hall of fame, if anything. Technically, does Rock and Roll still exist? Or has it evolved into just Rock? This ain't "Great Balls of Fire" anymore! Nobody made a big deal when a contemporary, Prince, was inducted. Or how about Michael Jackson? Isn't he the "King of Pop?" How about Jackson Browne? Isn't he like soft rock or easy listening or something? The Bee Gees? Disco. Bob Marley? Reggae. REM (I wouldn't consider them Rock and Roll)? Alternative. Righteous Brothers? And the list goes on and on...

Maybe the thing to do is to rename the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to the Music Hall of Fame and bring it into modern day. With so much emphasis on diversity today, isn't the thing to do to be inclusive?

Monday, December 17, 2007

Smokin'!

Walt Disney Co. became the first major Hollywood studio to ban depictions of smoking, saying there would be no smoking in its family-oriented, Disney-branded films and it would "discourage" it in films distributed by its Touchstone and Miramax labels. Disney Chief Executive Robert Iger also said in a letter to U.S. Rep. Edward Markey, whose committee last month held hearings on the effects of movie images on children, that the studio would place anti-smoking public service announcements on DVDs of any future films that feature cigarette smoking.

Give me a fucking break... I grew up watching I Love Lucy and Bugs Bunny reruns where they were smoking all the time. Did I turn to smoking? No. It's a bunch of crap. It's pressure from OTHER kids, not movies or TV or whatnot, that make kids start smoking.

He said the company would encourage theater owners to show screen anti-smoking public service announcements, or PSAs, before such films. Iger cautioned, however, that "cigarette smoking is a unique problem and this PSA effort is not a precedent for any other issue." Markey described Disney's commitment as "groundbreaking" and urged other studios to follow suit.

It's "stupid," that's what it is. God forbid there be smoking, but throw in all the sex and violence (and worse, stupid storylines and dialogue!) you want into a film!

Research cited by American Legacy, a nonprofit created out of landmark litigation between the tobacco industry and states attorneys general, shows that 90 percent of all films depict smoking and children with the highest exposure to smoking in movies were nearly three times more likely to start smoking. Tobacco is featured in three-quarters of G, PG and PG-13 rated movies and 90 percent of R-rated movies, the studies showed.

Research cited by the NewsWired Puppy Foundation is that 90 percent of all films suck.

Video Game Ratings

A federal judge ruled a California law to label violent video games and bar their sale to minors was unconstitutional, prompting Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to say he would appeal the ruling. California passed a law in 2005 regulating video games with strong support from Schwarzenegger, the former star of many violent action films. Legislators argued violent video games could bring psychological harm and spark aggressive behavior in minors. The Video Software Dealers Association and the Entertainment Software Association promptly sued to block the law, arguing their games were protected under the First Amendment's protection of free speech.

Judge Ronald Whyte, who had previously granted a preliminary injunction against the law, issued a permanent order that also cited conclusions from judges facing similar laws in other states. "At this point, there has been no showing that violent video games as defined in the Act, in the absence of other violent media, cause injury to children," he wrote in his decision. "In addition, the evidence does not establish that video games, because of their interactive nature or otherwise, are any more harmful than violent television, movies, Internet sites or other speech-related exposures. Although some reputable professional individuals and organizations have expressed particular concern about the interactive nature of video games, there is no generally accepted study that supports that concern."

Does this mean we can get rid of the rigid movie ratings, too? Aren't they the same thing?

@

A Chinese couple tried to name their baby "@", claiming the character used in e-mail addresses echoed their love for the child, an official trying to whip the national language into line said on Thursday. The unusual name stands out especially in Chinese, which has no alphabet and instead uses tens of thousands of multi-stroke characters to represent words. "The whole world uses it to write e-mail, and translated into Chinese it means 'love him'," the father explained, according to the deputy chief of the State Language Commission Li Yuming. While the "@" simple is familiar to Chinese e-mail users, they often use the English word "at" to sound it out -- which with a drawn out "T" sounds something like "ai ta", or "love him", to Mandarin speakers.

No, it fucking means "at," you freaks. Who do you think you are, Prince? Just stick with a fucking regular name, okay? When he grows up, what's his email address going to be? @@yahoo.com? I'm sure that's not an acceptable email address and he'll be sadly disappointed. Do you really want him to cry because he can't use his name in his email address? CHING CHONG
!

Balls of Fury: the movie

Synopsis: A disgraced former ping pong champion is drawn back into the world of high-stakes underground table tennis to carry out a top-secret mission. Far removed from the rigidly regulated world of professional sports, clandestine ping pong tournaments offer thrilling competition where only the strong survive. There was a time when the mere mention of the name Randy Daytona was enough to make even those most hardened ping pong player cower in fear, but these days Randy has fallen out of favor with ping-pong fans. The former champ soon receives a much-needed shot at redemption, however, when he is recruited by a determined FBI agent named Rodriguez to win a coveted spot in the upcoming underground table tennis tournament and ferret out the nefarious Feng, whose thriving criminal empire has transformed him into a true menace to society.

For me, I would like to know exactly what the studio head was thinking when that pitch was made to him.

"It's like a Fight Club...for ping-pong players!" explained the writer.

"Yes...I LOVE IT!" shouted the executive. "I'm greenlighting that right away! Underground ping-pong tournaments? That's never been done before. It'll blow people's minds and they'll pay millions of dollars to see that. Go get it started! Here's $40 million to start. Oh, and be sure to hire one of the worst actors ever: Christopher Walken. Go to it! Hey...pass me another joint on your way out, will ya?"

Lindsay's back!

Lindsay Lohan is fresh out of rehab and already back in the tabloids. In postrehab sitdowns with a pair of celebrity weeklies, Lohan called her time at Utah's Cirque Lodge treatment center a life-changing experience. "It made me look at myself and all of the people, places and things in my life in a different way," the 21-year-old star told OK! magazine.

"People were a lot less blurry..." she continued...

The Secret Tapes of Larry Craig

Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho may reconsider his resignation if he is cleared of a disorderly conduct charge to which he pleaded guilty last month, his spokesman said Tuesday. Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, announced his resignation Saturday in Boise, Idaho. Dan Whiting said it was still the GOP senator's intention to resign effective September 30, "however, he is fighting these charges and should he be cleared before then, he may -- I emphasize may -- not resign." Craig on Saturday announced his intention to resign after almost a week of speculation. But in a voice mail obtained by the Capitol Hill newspaper Roll Call, Craig appears to tell his attorney before that announcement that that he is going to change his statement.

"Senator Craig, did you have sex in the bathroom with another man?"

"Yes, I did. No...wait...I didn't! I was...um...just reaching for some toilet paper!"

"Senator Craig, are you going to resign?"

"Yes, I am. No...wait...I'm not! Wait...I am! No...I'm not!"

"Senator Craig, are you hypocritical lying fucking idiot?"

"No, I'm not. Wait...I am
!"

New Dinosaur

The skeleton of what is believed to be a new dinosaur species — a 105-foot plant-eater that is among the largest dinosaurs ever found — has been uncovered in Argentina, scientists said Monday. Scientists from Argentina and Brazil said the Patagonian dinosaur appears to represent a previously unknown species of Titanosaur because of the unique structure of its neck. They named it Futalognkosaurus dukei after the Mapuche Indian words for "giant" and "chief," and for Duke Energy Argentina, which helped fund the skeleton's excavation.

Futalognkosaurus dukei? Why don't they just send him off to school with a big "kick me" sign on his tail?

The Gay Gene Controversy

Lead researcher Dr. Alan Sanders thinks there's probably no single "gay gene"; rather, several genes may interact with other factors to yield gayness. Julio and Mauricio Cabrera are gay brothers who are convinced their sexual orientation is as deeply rooted as their Mexican ancestry. They are among 1,000 pairs of gay brothers taking part in the largest study to date seeking genes that may influence whether people are gay. The Cabreras hope the findings will help silence critics who say homosexuality is an immoral choice. If fresh evidence is found suggesting genes are involved, perhaps homosexuality will be viewed as no different than other genetic traits like height and hair color, said Julio, a student at DePaul University in Chicago.

Um...you're trying to convince the same people who don't believe in evolution and that things just "magically" appeared out of nowhere.

Voicemail

HEADLINE: Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates says the future of communication starts with getting rid of voicemail.

That's right, Bill. There are thousands of your Microsoft employees in India who could answer our phones for us when we can't. And take a message. For a small fee, of course.

TV Study

Watching too much television may not only help make children fat, it may also raise their blood pressure, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday. They found obese children who watched four or more hours of TV a day were three times more likely to have high blood pressure than children who watched less than two hours a day. "There is a significant association between hours of television watched and both the severity of obesity and the presence of hypertension in obese children," Dr. Jeffrey Schwimmer of the University of California, San Diego and colleagues wrote in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.

Are you sure it's not the entire bag of Cheetos they're eating while they watch TV?

News from an Organization AGAINST Gay Men

The American Red Cross ousted its president, Mark Everson, after learning that he had engaged in a "personal relationship" with a subordinate employee. Everson, the former commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service, took the Red Cross job last May as the charity sought to restructure itself after sharp criticism of its response to Hurricane Katrina. In a statement, the Red Cross said its board of governors asked for and received Everson's resignation, effective immediately, after learning within the past two weeks of the relationship with a woman on the Red Cross staff. The Red Cross also released a statement from Everson, who is married and has two children."I am resigning for personal and family reasons, and deeply regret it is impossible for me to continue a job so recently undertaken," he said. The development was a blow to the Red Cross as it was making progress in overcoming image problems arising from its response to Katrina and the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks.

Coming from the organization that won't accept blood donations in times of need (such as 9/11) from gay men...

Fair Trade

Caribou Coffee Co. announces their new Fair Trade coffee.

And speaking of fair trades, Caribou is replacing Chairman and CEO Michael J. Coles, who oversaw the growth of the nation's second-largest coffee chain but not of its stock price. A regulatory filing Tuesday said that in six months Coles would get $1.35 million in exchange for agreeing not to sue for "termination without good cause." Coles will stay with the company as a director.

You suck, but we're going to give you $1.35 million dollars of money we don't have because of your crappy work AND we're going to keep you on staff, too. You can shuffle papers, right?

Next Year's Oprah Pick

Next year we'll see on the bookshelves "If I Did It, Part Two: Robberies at Gunpoint."

Crazy Woman Names Teddy Bear!

KHARTOUM, Sudan - British teacher Gillian Gibbons was convicted of insulting Islam for letting her pupils name a teddy bear Muhammad and sentenced to 15 days in prison and deportation from Sudan, one of her defense lawyers said Thursday. Ali Mohammed Ajab, of Gibbons' defense team, said she was found guilty of "insulting the faith of Muslims in Sudan" under Article 125 of the Sudanese criminal code, a lighter conviction than the original charge of inciting religious hatred. A charge later confirmed by a judge leaving the closed court session. "It's a very fair verdict, she could have had six months and lashes and a fine, and she only got 15 days and deportation," said Robert Boulos of the Unity High School, confirming there would be no appeal. He noted that she would only spend 10 days in prison, having already served five.

Don't bring her to the U.S.! She'll go crazy and name her dog Jesus or something!

Republicans can SUCK IT (if it's not too earth-friendly for them)

The House approved the first increase in federal automobile fuel efficiency requirements in three decades Thursday as part of an energy bill that also repeals billions of dollars oil company tax breaks and encourages use of renewable fuels.

The bill would roll back $13.5 billion in tax breaks enjoyed by the five largest U.S. oil companies with the money to be used for tax incentives for development of renewable energy, including cellulosic ethanol from grasses and wood chips and biodiesel, and to spur energy efficiency programs and conservation."There's nothing in here that's going to lower gas prices in America ... nothing that is going to help American families deal with heating costs this winter ... nothing to increase production," complained Republican leader John Boehner of Ohio.

The centerpiece of the bill is a requirement to boost automobile fuel economy by 40 percent to an industry average of 35 miles per gallon by 2020, the first such increase since 1975, when Congress enacted the federal auto fuel economy requirements. Pelosi garnered enough support to assure passage by working out a deal with Rep. John Dingell, D-Mich., a longtime staunch protector of the auto industry. Dingell more than a year ago warned auto executives the tide had turned on fuel economy and it was inevitable that stricter requirements were in the offing. He got some concessions to help the industry in return for his support of the bill.The White House said if Congress passes the bill President Bush will be advised to veto it.

"The bill raises taxes in a way that will increase energy costs facing consumers," the White House said a statement, calling the new taxes on the oil companies unfairly "punitive" to a single industry. The White House also objected to the requirement for electric utilities nationwide to use renewable fuels such as wind and solar to generate 15 percent of their electricity, saying some regions can't comply with such a mandate without higher electricity costs.

Pelosi was determined to get the bill through the House this week with Senate action likely next week before lawmakers depart for the holiday recess. Her decision to insist on including the tax increases on oil companies — costing them $13.5 billion in taxes over 10 years — surprised even some environmentalists and set the stage for a contentious fight in the Senate where Republican leaders have indicated they will try to strip it from the bill.

Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky said Thursday an energy bill could pass the Senate, but without the "twin millstones of tax hikes and utility bill increases around its neck."Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada told reporters he will move quickly to take up the bill if it passes the House. When asked about its prospects, Reid said, "I don't know. We're going to try very hard."

I Am Legend (everywhere in Asia but China)

Will Smith's new sci-fi thriller, "I Am Legend," is hitting movie theaters across Asia later this month — but not in China. The delay in the film's approval comes amid a report that China has issued a temporary ban on American movies to boost the country's domestic film industry — a move the country's regulator has denied.

And..."there's not enough lead in it to meet our standards."

Gap's new marketing approach

If you're anorexic, have we got clothes for you!

the other Baldwin brother

Daniel Baldwin's attorney said he will ask a judge to cancel an arrest warrant issued for the actor, calling Baldwin's recent failure to show up in court a mix-up. A Superior Court judge issued the no-bail bench warrant Friday and revoked Baldwin's probation when he didn't appear in court to give a progress report on his drug rehabilitation. The 47-year-old actor was required to meet with the judge in connection with a cocaine-possession case.
Baldwin was aware of the hearing and contacted his probation officer Thursday to report that he couldn't make it because he was in Canada shooting a movie, said his attorney, Grant Hoagland, adding the message apparently didn't reach the judge. "It was a miscommunication," he said Monday.

That, and the judge didn't believe that the least famous Baldwin brother was actually "making a movie."

Paris Helps Protect the Environment

Paris Hilton is making a personal contribution to protecting the environment. "I changed all the light bulbs to energy-safe light bulbs and I'm buying a hybrid car right now," the 26-year-old celebrity heiress said Wednesday.

Translation: "I had my servants change all the light bulbs to energy-safe light bulbs and my daddy is buying me a hybrid car right now."

Hilton told reporters she's looking for a boyfriend and knows exactly what qualities Mr. Right should possess. "Right now I'm single but I am looking for a nice boy," she said. "He should be funny, smart and loyal."

Translation: "Right now I'm single but I am looking for a hot stud," she said. "He should be hung like a horse, not afraid to be filmed during sex, and be able to fuck me into next week."

3-Year-Old Dies In Inflatable Toy Accident

LONGVIEW, Wash. -- A 3-year-old boy died Saturday when two adults fell on top of him while they were playing on an inflatable toy. Family members said Jacob Pierce was attending a birthday party at Hoppin’ Houses, an indoor play area that features inflatable houses. Witnesses said the adults fell and either an elbow, shoulder or knee cracked open Jacob’s head. Paramedics responded and found Jacob bleeding from the nose and mouth. He had suffered traumatic head injuries and was pronounced dead at St. John’s Medical Center in Longview. Rebecca Pierce, Jacob's mother, said her son's death could've been prevented if there was more employee supervision. "You need to have more (supervision) than just an 18-year-old sitting at the counter," Pierce said.

You're right, Rebecca. It should never be the parents' responsibility or whomever you leave in charge of your children. And you definitely shouldn't focus on the ADULTS at the CHILDREN'S PARTY that were jumping around and killed your son. It's not their fault either.

True Love never dies...it just gets divorced!

It seems like only two months ago that Pamela Anderson was aglow with happiness over her quickie Las Vegas wedding to Rick Salomon. Actually, it was. But the 40-year-old ex-"Baywatch" beauty has filed for divorce from her 38-year-old husband after just two months of marriage. Anderson cited irreconcilable differences in papers filed Friday in Los Angeles County Superior Court. Anderson and Salomon wed Oct. 6 during a break between the 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. shows of "Hans Klok's The Beauty of Magic" at Planet Hollywood resort, where Anderson was starring as a magician's assistant. The couple separated less than 10 weeks later, on Dec. 13. Salomon is best known for making a sex videotape with Paris Hilton, his girlfriend at the time, and was previously married to actress Shannen Doherty.

I am shocked. Just shocked. I cannot believe that a marriage done during a work break did not last. What makes it worse is that it was to the man with whom Paris Hilton did her sex tape with that skyrocketed her to "fame." You would think that it was true love and it would have last for...at least three months. Thank GOD that heterosexuals are NOT making a mockery out of marriage like those nasty gays!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Hey, hey, you, you!

Canadian punk princess Avril Lavigne is being sued by U.S. songwriters who claim that her smash hit "Girlfriend" sounds suspiciously like a single ("I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend") they released in the 1970s. The Rubinoos song came out in 1979 and features the poppy chorus: “Hey, hey, you, you, I wanna be your boyfriend,” much like Lavigne's more up-tempo hit, which goes, “Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend.”

Um...hey, hey, you, you, get off of my cloud...

The Next Harry Potter?

With The Deathly Hallows looming for Harry Potter, Hollywood is casting around hoping to find new British fantasy figures with equal box-office magic. Two contenders emerged Thursday as Harry's home studio of Warner Bros. announced it had snapped up the movie rights to the seven-book Septimus Heap saga, while the production company Relativity Media conjured up a deal for Tunnels, based on a book series that hasn't even been published Stateside. Conceived by U.K. author Angie Sage, Septimus Heap follows the adventures of two babies switched at birth: a boy fated to become a powerful wizard and a girl, who discovers her royal lineage.

Um...Star Wars, anyone? Jedi Master Luke and Princess Leia?

The New Pope

Couldn't they find a less creepy-looking Pope? He looks like a serial killer.

We welcome your comments! (if you can figure out how to get them to us)

My friend and I own a timeshare together and subscribe to RCI so we can trade our timeshare for others around the US and -- hopefully someday -- world. After our latest trip, I logged on to RCI's website (www.rci.com) and found:

We want to hear from you. Comment cards will be available for completion after your vacation.
Select the Comment Card you want to complete.


So, naturally, I selected the trip we just went on. Rather than just giving me a survey that would be matched up with that particular resort, I was asked the following:

Please enter the Resort ID # and Reservation number indicated on your comment card. (For Weeks members and Cruise exchangers your reservation number is the combination of your member id and exchange number. For example, member id 1111-01234 and exchange number 00099, the reservation number would be 11110123400099). Your input is very important to us. Your comments contribute to the overall rating of the resort and will be shared with resorts so they can improve their services to you.

I tried...and tried...and gave up. Apparently this "exchange number" was something pulled out of their ass which would have taken me hours to figure out. After several attempts, I wrote an email asking why it was so complicated to provide feedback (and it was even good!). They responded and gave me the number they were looking for and apologized with, "We regret it is not more intuitive." Basically, "we regret you weren't smart enough to figure it out, you idiot. " They further explain that the reviews are being phased out and they were done by third party vendors anyway. However, if I want to write a review, I can happily visit http://www.igougo.com/.

Hey--how about this? I tell you to go fuck yourself and stop wasting my fucking time trying to provide you and your clients a service by responding to a survey you initiated.

Feets of Clay

Singer Clay Aiken apparently got into a dispute with a woman during a flight to Tulsa, drawing some scrutiny from FBI agents but no charges, a newspaper reported. The 2003 "American Idol" runner-up was on the Saturday morning Continental Airlines flight for a evening show, and concertgoers said afterward that Aiken joked on-stage about being beaten up by a girl earlier in the day. FBI Special Agent Gary Johnson told the Tulsa World there was a dispute between a male passenger and a woman on the flight. He said the man was a former "American Idol" contestant but did not give his name. Johnson said the dispute was over the male passenger's foot resting on the woman's armrest. He said there was an allegation the woman gave the male passenger a "minor shove" during the argument.


Hmm...where to begin...where to begin? Let's start with this: the FBI had to be called in? What the fuck? Slow day at the office? No terrorists to catch? Second: Was Clay flying in coach? If not (and he probably wasn't), aren't the first class seats big enough for you, Clay? Remember: you're not big fat Ruben (even though he won). Third: Not his arm, but his foot? Again: what the fuck? Note to Clay: you're an in-the-closet skanky North Carolina freak. Get over yourself.

The Apartment Waiting List

One year ago this month, I was looking for a one-bedroom apartment after my live-in boyfriend of over 2 years decided to "suddenly" move in with someone else. Another beau. I found a one-bedroom apartment and have been successfully living independently.

Today, I received an email from "Goldie" at an apartment complex I inquired about ONE YEAR AGO. She wrote: "I am just following up with you in regards to your apartment search. Have you found something, or are you still looking? I have a quote below for you, this is a one bedroom, one bath apartment available for a move in on July 27th. Please let me know what you think about this."

I wrote back and said, "I think you're about one year too late. I was looking for a place last July and found one. Thank you, though." Way to follow up!

Goldie then had the audicity to write me back: "Thanks for your response, are you happy where you are?"

I glanced at the quote Goldie provided...and laughed. There was a $100 per person application fee, $250 fee PER pet (and I have two), and a $250 per prospect fee (whatever the fuck that is), in addition to a $1263 per month rent cost for a 700 square foot apartment near downtown. Not IN downtown, but near it.

I live in a fairly new apartment complex, can walk a few to the pool or the gym, and have immediate access to a highway which takes me right into downtown. For $710 per month...which is higher than most similar one-bedroom apartments, but it's newer, cleaner, and safer.

I wrote her back (for a final time) and told her that I was happy...for $500 less per month. Good luck with filling that apartment!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Mail-In Rebates

Growing up, my family always purchased Peter Pan peanut butter. To this day, it's remained my favorite. It seems to have more peanutty taste and doesn't taste as dry as other peanut butters. Therefore, I was sad and disappointed to learn that Peter Pan peanut butter was pulled from the shelves in February 2007 due to salmonella poisoning. It's been almost six months now, and while I haven't gone peanut butterless, I do miss my Peter Pan.

I purchased the latest release of Disney's animated Peter Pan DVD in March 2007. Unfortunately, due to pre-packaging, the DVD was released with an offer from ConAgra Foods (the producer of Peter Pan peanut butter) for a $3 rebate when you purchased a loaf of Wonder Bread, the Peter Pan DVD, and a jar of Peter Pan peanut butter. ConAgra said ON THEIR WEBSITE they would honor the rebate if you downloaded their "special" rebate form and purchased the first two items and ANY jar of peanut butter, despite the pulling from shelves of their own peanut butter.


I normally don't buy Wonder Bread anymore (as I'm no longer an 8-year-old kid and prefer heartier varieties of bread), but I chose to buy it since it would be like I was getting it for free once I fulfilled the obligations of the rebate. I got everything together and mailed off my rebate. Two months later, I get a notice that I did NOT fulfill my obligations. I thoroughly examine the evidence and, in my haste, apparently enclosed all the original receipts for the (circled) items, but not the Peter Pan DVD proof of purchase. It was at this time that I debated whether or not the $3 was worth it anymore since I had by now spent about 80 cents in postage. I mailed it in, though, and awaited my $3 rebate check.


A month later (today), I receive another letter saying that I STILL have NOT fulfilled my obligations. I reread everything again and I had submitted everything as instructed the second time around. I don't know what else to do. I'm dumbfounded and completely irritated at the scam. Obviously, ConAgra is trying to recoup their losses by not honoring the rebate, hoping everyone will just drop their efforts. Sadly, this is not the first time I've run into this problem with so-called rebate promises. Many, many different companies have done the same thing to me, even though I've taken the time to gather and send all the necessary proofs of purchases, receipts, and whatever garbage or proof of life they request. I would invite them to my home to see the actual items, but then they'd probably just tell me that I stole them. Congratulations, ConAgra. Please...enjoy my $3.

Rants

In addition to rants on celebrities' lives, their selfishness, and stupidity; I'm going to devote this blog to rants on various companies. Why? Because lately, a lot of them have really been pissing me off without just cause, making me aggravated and wasting my time. It's called "poor customer service" or "lack of quality customer service" or just plain "morons and assholes who I wonder how (and why) they stay in business." Please read on...

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Paris on "Jail"

"Paris' attitude is, 'I'm going to come in here, I'm going to do my time, get it over with, and I'm going to show the world who I really am,'" her spokesperson said.

And for those of you who haven't seen who Paris really is, you too can purchase copies of One Night In Paris for $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

The Paris Update

Paris Hilton was doing well after spending her first night of her probation sentence in solitary confinement at a Los Angeles County jail, her lawyer said Monday.

Whew. What a relief! I hope the news continues to report on her every single fucking day. And as long as they do, I'll keep you abreast (tiny, of course) as well.

"She's using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better and hopefully, in my opinion, to change the attitudes that exist about her among many people," attorney Richard A. Hutton told reporters after visiting Hilton.

Make the world a better place? Like stop wars and world hunger? She sounds like a Miss America in the making! I highly doubt anything she does will change my opinion of her, though. To me, she'll always be a clueless, greedy, slutty, rich cunt.

Italy Gives Tarantino the Boot

The Italian cinema industry is up in arms after recent comments from director Quentin Tarantino, who called the current state of the film industry "depressing." Italian newspapers on Monday and over the weekend were full of reaction to the American director's comments, which came less than a month after it was revealed that he would co-present a series of Spaghetti Westerns in a special sidebar at this year's Venice Film Festival. Tarantino is known to be a fan of old Italian films, but according to his recent comments published in Sorrisi & Canzioni -- the country's leading television magazine -- his love for the country's film productions does not extend to more contemporary cuts. "New Italian cinema is just depressing," Tarantino said. "Recent films I've seen are all the same. They talk about boys growing up, or girls growing up, or couples having a crisis, or vacations of the mentally impaired."

Hehehe...where are all these films about the mentally impaired taking vacations!? "What's Eating Gilbert Grape 2: Arnie Takes a Vacation?" "The Other Sister 2: The Honeymoon?" "Riding the Bus (Again) With My Sister?" "I Am Still Sam, Who the Fuck Are You?"

Those defending modern Italian cinema included some of the best-known names in the game. "How dare he talk about Italian cinema when he doesn't know anything about American cinema?" asked Naples-born Sophia Loren, according to media reports. "Tarantino is a brute," said filmmaker/actor Marco Bellocchio, a five-time Palme d'Or nominee at the Cannes Film Festival and a member of this year's Cannes jury.

"You, you, you....you BRUTE!" (concludes with a slap in the face)

Even editorial writers got in on the counterattack, with the left-wing daily L'Unita saying Tarantino was "mentally impaired."

There ya go. Good playground response. I know you are, but what am I?

The center-left daily La Repubblica, Italy's second-largest newspaper, said that if Italian film isn't what it used to be, neither was Tarantino.

But really...are any of us who we used to be?

Monday, June 4, 2007

Mike Tyson wants to try acting in Bollywood movies.


Um...I don't think anything else really needs to be said, except...I know cows are sacred in India...but what about ears?

Your "other" left...

Just hours after strolling the pink carpet at the 2007 MTV Movie Awards, Paris Hilton reported for jail late Sunday night, two days before the court-ordered deadline. Hilton will be calling Lynwood's Century Regional Detention Facility home for the next 23 days—assuming she behaves herself—where she will be paying the piper for driving with a suspended license while on probation for a drunken driving charge. Hilton originally surrendered at Men's Central Jail and was then transported to the Lynwood facility.

Um...yeah...the women's prison, Paris. You're not joining a brothel. Dumb 'til the very end...

Now that they've removed the "planet" status of Pluto...

Astronomers have discovered 28 new planets outside of our solar system, increasing to 236 the number of known exoplanets, revealing that planets can exist around a broad spectrum of stellar types-from tiny, dim stars to giants. "We added 12 percent to the total in the last year, and we're very proud of that," said one of the study team members Jason Wright of the University of California at Berkeley. "This provides new planetary systems so that we can study their properties as an ensemble." The planets are among 37 new objects spotted within the past year. Seven of the objects are failed stars called brown dwarfs, with masses that dwarf the largest, Jupiter-sized planets but too small to sustain the nuclear reactions necessary for stellar ignition.

Astronomers don't directly spot extrasolar planets, but rather look for stellar wobbles caused by orbiting planets. The planet's size and distance from the parent star affect how strong or weak of a wobble, and more sophisticated techniques for measuring the stellar wobbles has led to an ever-lengthening list of such outer planets. Now they can detect wobbles of a meter per second compared with the 10-meter limit just 15 years ago.

Is a wobble like a weeble? Do they fall down? Cuz weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.

In all seriousness...

Actress Lindsay Lohan has returned to rehab after a weekend drunken-driving arrest, her publicist said on Tuesday, raising questions about whether she can start shooting her latest film as planned. Official word that Lohan was back in treatment came hours after entertainment trade paper Daily Variety said she had just joined the cast of "Poor Things," a comedy starring Oscar winner Shirley MacLaine and set to begin filming this week in Los Angeles. "Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation," the publicist's statement said.

Yes, we're very saddened and understand the severity of this...mmmph...mmmph...mmmph...BWAHAHAHAHA!!!